The rest of my life...!??!*$%&^!(#)^E#%!?= Confused and is not to be confused with a swear word

Wow, well I don't know what it is lately but I've been asked 'what I'm going to do with the rest of my life' almost as much as I was when I graduated from high school and college!!!! NOT that it's a bad question it's just so...loaded/heavy?!?...not really sure of the right word to use, only that it's a pretty big question for me right now. And I'm not sure what it is about me that people keep asking...is it the fact that I'll soon be divorced after a few short months of a really rocky marriage; is it that I'm a mommy; is it the season; is it just me...do I look lost/unsure/unstable?

Don't get me wrong I'm not at all offended by the question but I'm really just not sure why I'm getting asked. Not only that...I'd love to have an answer. See, there are a million things I would love to do but just don't know where to start and there's the simple fact that I have a wonderful, beautiful, very engaging 7.5 month old daughter to take care of and can't just run off to grad school or another country on a whim. Not to mention that if I did my mom, sister and dad would all want to kill me because they'd never see H...

So, I've already been wrestling with the question anyway...maybe it's written on my forehead...because I don't necessarily want to work in advertising all my life. I do know that, for now, this is where the Lord has placed me and I am most happy to be here and serve Him where I am. But there's a part of me that's longing to be something so much more than I am right now...does this make sense? I feel like there's so much more of me to give and that I'm a bit stifled by my surroundings. I also believe that there's a whole part of me that wants to fly but is just a little scared to run and step off the edge of the precipice to see if my wings really work. I'm also afraid of failure, what if I'm not good enough, what if ____ doesn't work out, what if someone else's ___ is/looks better than mine...so, there you go. This is part of the reason why I am standing at the end of who I am and the beginning of who I want to/can be.

That about sums it up for you...the rest of my life. Perhaps someday soon I'll just take that leap of faith and hopefully by then my wings will be ready for me to soar. So Lord, here I am again...please help me cuz I can't do it on my own. Maybe You can even push me but, if You do push me please help me to take care of H too. Thanks God. Amen.