Her Chris Bear

I love the joy that my daughter finds in such repetitive things like her LeapFrog toy. She has taken to pushing the button and looking to me for my reaction to her giddiness. If I laugh, she heartily fake laughs along with me often ending in a squeal! And then does it again, and again and again. She also loves racing up the stairs with me following and squeals the whole way up. She doesn't tire from these 'fun' activities instead she relishes them with every fiber of her little being.

It's so fun to watch her and find out what she thinks is funny and what makes her laugh. I never knew such joy till she was a part of my life. I thought I had fun but I've not had as much fun as she has with her silly little toys. Her new thing this week is dancing to the music, she leans on her toy and stamps her chubby little legs with everything in her. I nearly died laughing when she first did this which of course made her do it over and over again!

Another cute thing, sorry, I can't help but write about her, she's too fun...I'll say, "Aaaawwwww" and she'll speed crawl over to Chris Bear and give him a full on body hug. See pics below!


Here's H with her Chris Bear (short for Christmas Bear)





Well, I've been on here far too long so...'till next time!

Natural? Disaster

With all the natural disasters happening in the past few years I've just now noticed the correlation between them and what happens with divorce. Disasters take without thinking of the hurt and devastation they leave behind. They don't think of the people and places they consume they just rip up those places and toss them around without a care for the love or memories a particular place holds for the ones that built it there. Disasters don't think. After a hurricane, earthquake, tsunami and even a terrorist attack there is a mad rush to rescue all those that can be rescued. Once that is accomplished there is the recovery stage, accounting for all who were killed and property lost. Finally, we rebuild. We start from ground zero and build again. We build better and stronger and smarter this time.



Divorce or the unexpected disappearance of a spouse is like this too. You've counted on them to be there and to love you through the good and bad and then one day they're gone, emotionally and/or physically.

I call mine Hurricane Ib....... He was a hurricane of incredible force, I would rate him at a 5 at least. He left in such a way that I never expected to hear from him again. He left us without provision for housing, food, care etc. During that time family and friends came to our aid and rescued us from the destruction he left in his wake. Since then, I've been recovering. Recovering the things that he killed in me and dreams and hopes that I had. I'm still in this process and since I'm here I can say that dreams and hopes are some of the hardest things to look at once they've been tainted and destroyed by reality.

I look ahead at days to come and look forward to when I can rebuild because I will rebuild and this time it will be better and stronger and smarter. Even though he has asked to come back I don't see it happening. I don't think that anyone in their right mind would say yes to such a thing. Yet, I've been forced to at least consider it. Yes, I know that a marriage can 'work' after infidelity but it wasn't just that, it was soooooo much more. Not only that, but I don't want a marriage to 'work'. I want to be cherished. I want to be taken care of and to be seen the way God sees me, my value is far above rubies or diamonds or any other earthly treasure one could possess. Most of all, I want to do what the Lord wants me to, I'm just not sure what that is right now...

The Slowskys

In a world of high speed internet we here at STEM are subject to the higher powers that be, i.e. IT at Bethany. And for some reason for the few hours I'm actually in the office trying to work our internet service is S-L-O-W. We'd put the 'i' in leisurely. We're obviously closely related to the Slowskys. Anyway, this is an annoying hindrance to my work and my posting here. ok, I'm done griping!

Work is pretty cool even with internet issues and I am excited about this year's Mission Maker Magazine! It's our fourth year and each year just gets better and better. I've been busy getting ads and all that together so that our awesome design team can take over and give us some amazing, God-inspired art to go along with the amazing, God-inspired articles we have. So, that's been consuming my thoughts and time.

The other exciting new ministry I'm involved with is starting a MOPS group at our church this year. We are keeping it small this year as we get started but I'm excited for when we can expand and use it as an outreach and ministry tool. We, the leadership team, really want to use this year to invest in some godly women who we think will make great leaders and join our team in the years to come.

On a more personal note, I'm doing pretty well. I.G. calls every once in a while but a lot less often than he was, which I prefer. I'm not ready and don't really want to talk with him on a regular basis because he hasn't earned that right yet. We're starting from zero and he's gonna have to do a lot to earn any trust back. I'm not saying this out of a 'he'll pay' attitude but because I've been given much godly council and know that it's not my job to make us 'better'. It's I.G.'s job to seek out healing and the Lord and if he is able to do those things we'll go from there.

H and I are getting ready to go on a short, but much anticipated vacation to go and visit my best friend Angela for her 25th birthday. I have missed her so much since January and am soooooo excited to visit her. I'll be posting a lot of pictures! For now, H and I are getting lots of rest so that we'll be healthy for our visit.

God is so good to us and I am so thankful for His tender mercies and His lovingkindness toward me. Please continue to pray for us and that I'll listen to God's voice and leading.

blogger illiterate

Ok, so not until I started this blog did I realize how illiterate I am at posting. I am trying to figure out how to add videos and slide shows and all but to no avail...looks like I'll need help sometime soon. I was trying to post a slide show of H and our house so those of you who've never seen it could do so but alas, I am drowning in codes and html this or that! That and I also want to redesign the whole background but again find myself over my head. And yes, that's even with blogger help page stuff.

Anyway, figured I'd update the blog since I haven't out of frustration. H and I are finally doing better. I have a voice again, well at least one that doesn't sound like a man/frog. I am excitedly planning for our mini-vacation to go see Angela for her 25th birthday and can't wait to see her again. It's been far too long.

My busy season at work is soon to draw to a close but I don't sense it slowing down...we'll see. Hopefully I'll be able to accomplish all that needs to be done in a timely matter.

I.G. hasn't called in a while but he did say a little while back that he wanted to be a part of our family again although I'm not seeing any fruit of that statement. I think it was said out of emotion rather than really thinking through what he wants. He wants it to be a kiss and make up deal but he's 243 days late and a few thousand dollars too short. Anyway, we'll see what the Lord has in store over the next months/years. I still have some investigating to do and until then, we're only on business speaking terms period.

that's all for now!

Wise as a Serpent

wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Matthew 10:16, KJV)

I am trying to be just that-wise as a serpent, and I'm asking the Lord for His wisdom so that I don't try to do things on my own. I've spent a lot of time praying as I'm driving and walking and cooking etc that I would treat I.G. with forgiveness and that I would walk in that (being harmless as a dove). Basically what I'm trying to say is that without being gullable and a doormat I am trying to treat him the way Jesus would and walk out/live out the forgiveness I've already given in my heart. I don't want revenge and I don't hold any hate or animosity in my heart towards him but, at the same time, I am definitely in momma tiger mode so I'm in the offensive mode when it comes to H's and my safety.

I.G. is asking for his green card so that he can get a 'real job' and send us some money to take care of his daughter. He is respecting my wishes, so far, that he stay away for a while and just prove himself to be a human being at the least. When the time comes that he is asked to visit it will be after a lot of prayer, counsel and support of family and friends and-don't worry- it won't be alone.

I was talking with my best friend the other day and mentioned that even though I don't know what the Lord is doing or is going to do, I have hope. Not in I.G. or the restoration of my marriage but in the Lord. I know that the Lord is faithful and will take care of H and me. I also know that He will use this for His glory and I hope in HIM! I realize too that if He is going to restore my marriage it will be a long and hard process and if He's not it'll still be a long and hard process but I'm encouraged. I know that HE knows what He is doing, thank goodness, and whatever it is I am growing in Him. I don't know if this was the Lord's way of bringing me to my knees and reminding me that I need Him but, it has and I do!

I have also been reading and meditating on the scriptures in Lamentations and love how I am reminded over and over that the Lord sees and will judge my oppressors and He is just and what I.G. did to us was not/is not right and the Lord has got my back. He's seen each tear and heard each cry of my heart and knows what is best for H and me. He will judge rightly and in His time. Until then Lord, I need Your wisdom for each situation and circumstance. Please tune my ear to your voice and help me to respond immediately to Your prompting.

Thanks for reading and praying for me/us. Let me know if you have anything I can be praying for you about.

Blessings!

9 months

As Laura said the other day, 'I've now had H as long as I was pregnant with her!' and it's so much fun! Here are some pictures I took of her on Sunday (her 9 month b-day) and a few from Saturday at the zoo with Barb and her boys!


Also, please pray for those affected by the 35W bridge collapse in Minneapolis today. It collapsed during rush hour into the Mississippi River this evening. Please keep praying that those that are alive would be rescued as quickly as possible. For more information check out WCCO.com

Thanks and blessings!